Behind the Mask: Why We Need to Talk About Neurodivergent Masking

"How do we help people unmask?"

It's a question I've heard more and more over the last few years, but lately, I've found myself asking a different one.

"Why do so many neurodivergent people feel they have to mask in the first place?"

At Collectively Diverse, we spend a lot of time talking about inclusion, psychological safety and creating environments where people can genuinely thrive. The more organisations we work with, the more convinced I become that masking isn't simply an individual issue - it's a culture issue.

For many neurodivergent people, masking isn't about pretending to be someone else. It's about adapting to feel accepted, understood or safe.

Sometimes that means rehearsing conversations before they happen.

Sometimes it means forcing eye contact because that's what you've been told is respectful.

Sometimes it means hiding stims, suppressing emotions, changing how you communicate or constantly monitoring how you're coming across.

Often, it becomes so automatic that people don't even realise they're doing it.

"Because I'm good."

Last month, one of my students gave me a moment that has really stayed with me.

She solved a maths problem using the method I'd shown her rather than the method she naturally preferred. There may well have been a benefit to learning my approach because, in that case, it was probably quicker. But when I asked why she'd chosen my method, she simply replied, "Because I'm good."

Those three words have stayed with me.

They made me wonder how often children, particularly neurodivergent children, begin to associate being "good" with doing things the way other people expect, rather than the way that feels most natural to them.

I think masking often starts through countless small messages.

"Stop fidgeting."

"You're too sensitive."

"Why can't you just...?"

Or even more subtle experiences.

Realising you're the only one who finds the classroom overwhelming.

Watching how everyone else behaves and copying them.

Learning which parts of yourself seem to be accepted and which feel safer to hide.

Over time, those small adjustments can become habits.

Those habits can become identities.

Eventually, many people aren't quite sure where the mask ends and they begin.

Beyond awareness

As someone who has spent many years working in education and now supporting organisations through Collectively Diverse, alongside making sense of my own probable AuDHD and a lifetime of anxiety and depression, I've come to believe that awareness alone isn't enough.

We don't create inclusion simply by recognising that neurodivergent people exist.

We create it by asking deeper questions.

• Do people feel psychologically safe enough to communicate differently?

• Are we rewarding conformity or valuing different ways of thinking?

• Are we expecting people to adapt to our systems, or are we prepared to adapt our systems to better support people?

These are questions for schools, workplaces, sports clubs, universities, community groups and families alike.

Because belonging isn't about encouraging people to fit in.

It's about creating environments where they don't feel they have to hide who they are.

A conversation we're excited to share

These questions are exactly why I'm delighted to be hosting a live online conversation with Gavin Skevington on Wednesday 19th August 2026.

Although our professional journeys have been very different, we've arrived at many of the same questions.

Gavin spent over two decades in policing, becoming the UK's first openly AuDHD Chief Firearms Instructor before moving into writing, speaking and filmmaking. His forthcoming short film, MASKS, explores many of the themes that emerged through his own diagnosis journey, including identity, self-trust and the hidden cost of masking.

Together, we'll explore:

• Why neurodivergent masking develops.

• The impact masking can have on mental health, identity and wellbeing.

• Why belonging is different from simply fitting in.

• What leaders, educators, employers, families and communities can do to create environments where people genuinely feel safe to be themselves.

This won't be a lecture or a webinar full of slides.

It will be an honest conversation, bringing together lived experience, professional insight and practical ideas that we hope will leave people thinking differently about masking and, perhaps more importantly, about the environments we create around us.

If that sounds like a conversation you'd like to be part of, we'd love you to join us.

Behind the Mask: Self-Trust, Belonging and the Cost of Fitting In

Wednesday 19th August | 7.30–9.00 pm

Early Bird tickets are available until 31st July.

-> Book your place here.